Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Best of Jason Kaplan (2012)

My personal favorites from 2012 in chronological order.  Some of the dates are approximations.  Sorry for this "Best Of" being so late, but it's very tough to narrow down one's best moments when he has so many.  Hope you enjoy this walk down memory lane.
  • Jason Kaplan vs. JD Harmeyer Round 1 (February 28th 2012): This fight started when Jason tweeted that JD was being creepy around female guests.  When you follow a 30 Rock actress into the subway and tweet about it, I'm not sure how you can argue about it.  The fight split up the Kaplan/Harmeyer championship beer pong team.  JD Harmeyer voiced how he's sick and tired of being the "office punching bag", and that Jason is "too smart and quick" on The Wrap-Up Show for JD to stick up for himself.  
    • Howard's "Pull Your Shit Together" Comment (March 21st 2012): Jason entered Studio 69, offering to fill in for Scott Salem on The Block Party Tour and pay for his own legroom travel upgrade.  Howard looked over Jason and voiced concern about his weight, telling him to "pull your shit together".  Howard told Jason that he has "big plans" for him.  This was a turning point in Jason's year.  He went on to dress professionally for work, take on a lot of Howard Stern channel responsibility (website, producing multiple Howard 101 shows, manage JD, etc.), and started to lose weight.

    • Jason Kaplan vs. Jon Hein Round 1 (April 9th 2012): This was the Monday show that Jon Hein ineffectively explained how he didn't screw over his Fast Food Show co-host Jason Kaplan for the hosting job of Fast Food Mania on Destination America.  Nice try.  Howard didn't seem to have a problem with Jon moving his fast food knowledge to a non-Howard Stern venture. My inner conspiracy theorist thinks this is because he's represented by Tony Burton at (wait for it) Don Buchwald & Associates.  This is the same agency that represents Howard Stern, Robin Quivers, and Gary Dell'Abate.  The rest was crappy TV history:

      • Incorrectly referred to General Tso's Chicken as a dish of Chinese origin.  It was created in New York City.
      • Devoured a piece of KFC chicken on camera like Brundle Fly.
      • Became a cheerleader for homophobic Chick-Fil-A.
      • Offered the ultimate douche chill moment, pretending to be fascinated with waffle fries on a chicken sandwich.
      • Channeled his inner nerdy stalker and jumped into a car for a 'drive thru intervention'.
    • Jason Kaplan takes on Morgan Spurlock (April 17th 2012): It was a quick moment, but one that I personally enjoyed.  Spurlock was a guest on GEEKTIME! to promote his new documentary Comic-Con Episode IV - A Fan's Hope.  During his appearance Jason couldn't resist the opportunity to call bullshit on the Super Size Me documentary.  Jason told Morgan to his face that he felt the documentary was essentially an unfair depiction of fast food.  Who makes the claim that a pure McDonald's hamburger diet is healthy?  I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen too often.  Spurlock didn't seem to know how to respond.  Hopefully he'll learn to be more prepared when he starts that CNN/HLN talk show in April.
      • Jason Kaplan vs. Jon Hein Round 2 (April 24th 2012): This was perhaps the beginning of the "Who's The Biggest Air Whore?" and "Should This Person Be A GEEKTIME! Or Jon Hein TV Show Guest?" debates.  Jason attacked Jon for "spreading himself too thin" over the Howard 101 shows, offering his opinions oftentimes on the same TV shows during his Jon Hein's TV Show (formerly What's Worth Watching) and GEEKTIME!; two shows less than 24 hours apart.  Ralph Cirella also called in to voice his annoyance with Jon's overextension.  They really got under Jon's skin, which is always funny to listen to, because it's so difficult to do.  The guy has the personality of a plant on the air.  By the way, how come no one every points out that Jon Hein's TV Show itself violates the Jon Hein TV Spoiler rules?  They discuss Sunday night TV less than 4 days after it airs.
      • AGT Wrap Up Show (May 2012 - Summer): Jason Kaplan and "High Pitch" Mike Morales produced and hosted an incredible "post-game" for America's Got Talent that featured tons of contestants, America's judge Howard Stern, and AGT host Nick Cannon.  They also had a red carpet finale.
        • Jason Kaplan vs. Scott DePace (August 10th 2012): Great Wrap Up Show fight featuring Scott DePace and Jason Kaplan.  This is the fight where the term "hyperfocused" entered our vocabulary.  Favorite quote: "There is no light...there is no light!"  DePace freaking out is always radio gold.  I learned way too much about irises and filming in a dark room with bright monitors.
          • Jason Kaplan vs. JD Harmeyer Round 2 (September 25th 2012): This is the fight where JD declares on-air that he flat out hates Jason.  Jason was talking to Jon Leiberman about JD tweeting Block Party photos with JD being within earshot.  The passive aggressiveness was evidently too much for JD to handle.  Waah!
          • Jason Kaplan - Employee of the Month (September 25th 2012): Howard Stern declared Jason Kaplan his "go-to guy" and his "employee of the month".  I tweeted out an Employee of the Month certificate for Jason to "accept" the next day.  Over the next few weeks someone on-air would allude to something annoying at Jason's desk, but it was never clear exactly what it was.  To my amazement, Jason Kaplan clarified on Back Office Radio that it was the Employee Of The Month certificate.  One of the few times I blurted out "Holy shit!" when working on the computer.
          • Back Office Radio Debut (October 4th 2012): The best show on Howard 101 debuted on this date and pulled the curtain back on the back office at The Howard Stern Show.  If you had questions about Jason's masturbation habits or if Jason ever taunted Will Murray's son with Cheerios, then your questions were answered.
            • Back Office Radio (October 18th 2012): Another brilliant broadcast that featured Jason apologizing to Will that he no longer wanted to have sex with Will's wife.  This is the show that Will Murray was talking about working out one-liners for introducing JD Harmeyer at the Block Party.  I tweeted out a ton of them as suggestions.  This is probably one of the reasons he really hates The Jason Kaplan Fan Club.
            • Jason Kaplan vs. Robin Quivers (October 31st 2012): Okay so Robin wasn't exactly on the Wrap Up Show, but Jason laid into her a little bit about how she seems to be above criticism and is insensitve to staffers personal lives during the hurricane since she doesn't have a spouse and kids of her own.
            • Jason Kaplan vs. JD Harmeyer Round 3 (November 14th 2012): This was a particularly vicious fight between JD and Jason. JD said that the stress ball he was squeezing was the only reason he wasn't going to punch Jason.  Jason then told him with a deadpan delivery to "put down the ball".  If you ever wanted to know what Kaplan sounded like pissed off, this was your chance.  Don't make Jason Kaplan wouldn't like him when he's angry.  I ran a contest involving apology suggestions for JD to deliver to Jason.  Fucking JD ruined the fun by making up with Jason on Back Office Radio the next day.
              • Back Office Radio (November 29th 2012): This is the show where Jason Kaplan was Lexapro-free.  He was slightly off of his game but completed another professional broadcast.  JD came in to debate the boys but wouldn't take the kill shot on a seemingly weakened Jason Kaplan.
              • Jason Kaplan and Ben Barto in Amazing Spider-Man Finale (December 26th 2012): The only thing more amazing than the end of a comic title that has been running since 1963 is having a shout out in it to Mr. Jason Kaplan.  Some misguided people feel that Ben Barto's name might be slightly bigger on the  I just want to point out that Barto was the author of a Fantastic Four TMZ-like fluff piece, and Jason Kaplan is the author of a hard-hitting Doctor Octopus jailbreak headliner. Very special thanks to Chris Eliopoulos for making this happen.

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